I am not one to partake in conspiracy theories. From the Moon Landing Conspiracy to the Mandela effect, these theories are just hodgepodged arguments of what if? that hold very little standings against their rebuttals. It’s also like, who cares? What difference does it make if the US didn’t actually land on the moon, but instead was super good at movie effects? The moon wouldn’t be tainted with an American Flag, which seems like a plus to me. Even if we really are traveling through extremely similar dimensions, that isn’t going to stop me from saying Home Depot instead of The Home Depot, or change the fact that I no longer read the Berenstein Bears or the Berenstain Bears. My friends usually say something along the lines of “it’s because you’re a Capricorn”, but I have no idea what that means so I remain steadfast in my annoying of conspiracies near and far.
There is one conspiracy, though, that takes the cake on being speculative and having no answer to rebuttals. That conspiracy is the Last Thursday Theory. This Conspiracy states that everything in the universe was created last Thursday. All of the buildings, geological structures, fossils, and everything we see and feel? Created last Thursday. All of the memories you have of being a simple five-year old in kindergarten chasing geese around until your teacher threatened to call home (true story)? Put into your head when you were created last Thursday. What if today is Thursday? There is debate, but the universe could’ve been created today, or seven days ago.
While many other conspiracy theories lack sufficient ground to stand on, they at least stand on a tiny patch of dirt. Like sure, I will give it to moon landing conspiracists that the lighting in the photos is kind of weird. I’ll give to it to Illuminati conspiracists that there are a lot of coincidences in pop music videos. But the last Thursday theory has nothing but speculation to back itself up. If I was to say, “what about this photo I took of my big toe two months ago?”, they would respond with “your phone, and all of its contents, were created last Thursday with information to make you believe you’ve always been alive”. How the heck am I supposed to refute that? Another thing I could ask is “what happens in a week, when last Thursday becomes two Thursdays ago?”, and they will respond with some badly-constructed answer such as “well, that doesn’t matter, because next week, the last Thursday theory will apply to its last Thursday”. What does that even mean? This conspiracy can all be backed up by one key assumption, which is completely and utterly non-refutable.
Imagine this conversation between me and a child (in this scenario I am also a child):
“You are a loser”
“I know you are but what am I?”
“Annoying”
“I know you are but what am I?”
“Unable to argue properly”
“I know YOU are but WHAT AM I?”
In this, the child is unstoppable. I cannot fight back with “No, you are and I am not”, because they could easily say “Actually, you are and I am not”. Because I have no way of fact-checking the child, and therefore don’t have a place to stand my argument on that can’t be sent back at me, I am unable to win this battle. I lose and hand in my champion belt.
It is this same train of logic that the last Thursday conspiracy stands on. You get stuck in Occam’s Razor, this inescapable trap where everything you say can be refuted by the same point. Where you are forced to get into the same arguments you got into when you were a child after asking your best friend to kick you in the stomach to see if it would cause your stomach to come out of your mouth (also a true story).
I do know that this conspiracy is a direct response to the Creation theory that says that the universe was created some four-thousand years ago, and while I acknowledge that this theory also has a lot of inarguable points, last Thursday theory is a childish exaggeration that provides no substantial argument other than a haha, gotcha. This is equivalent to me telling a child “your zipper is down” and them responding “yOuR zIpPeR iS dOwN” (in this scenario I am again a child).
That is why the last Thursday conspiracy is the worst conspiracy to exist.
scatterbrain 